There is a feeling that comes over Rockets forward Ron Artest that he cannot explain, but that he loves.
He must control it, he admits, citing the wisdom gained with years and experiences. But he must use it, too, especially now, with another postseason to begin and another team looking to him to be the difference.
When the stakes are high as they will be beginning Saturday when the Rockets open the postseason against the Trail Blazers, Artest can sense that emotion grow within him. He can feel it drive and change him.
This is Artest at his best. It is sometimes Artest at his worst. It could be the difference between the Rockets ending their long playoff slump, or falling quickly again.
"It’s part of who he is," Rockets coach Rick Adelman said. "That’s what makes him very good in this league.
"It’s his competitiveness. He’s going to keep coming at you. He may be having a terrible game, but he’s going to keep coming, keep coming at you. He’s not going to ever shy away. That’s good and that’s bad, but that’s the biggest thing, his competitiveness."
There have been times his competitiveness has gotten the better of him. He drove the Rockets to their commanding lead in Chicago, and also their collapse from a 17-point, fourth-quarter lead to a stunning loss.
Yet, he said he has improved over the years and through this season in channeling his off-the-charts aggressiveness and competitiveness. He said he has avoided the mistakes that he made in the past when things have gone wrong, as they often did this season, when he was initially coming off the bench, slowed by injuries and frustrated by losses.
More than that, he said he has learned to cherish the postseason and another chance.
"Now I realize the mistakes I made. You have to play hard, but it’s fun basketball. It’s the best time of the year. And when you win it makes it that much better. The city loves you. All the people around the country are talking about you. It gives you that much more incentive to go out and play".
"Some people, when they miss the last shot and think, ‘Oh I missed the last shot,’ and really get down on themselves instead of being fearless and taking the next one. If the next one goes in, then you’re the king."
The Rockets are convinced Artest, 6-7, is not trying to be "the king." He is driven to compete and win, even if he sometimes gets out of control with the effort.
"Watching him over the last several years, my take is he’s got a very good handle of his game and how he fits into that team," said Dallas coach Rick Carlisle, Artest’s coach in Indiana. "I think he knows how to channel his competitiveness in a way that helps their team. He’s grown a lot."
"Ron’s a great player. He brings toughness. He brings a physical dimension to the position. He’s one of the really unusual players in this league because of a combination of strength and skill. Every year he’s been in the league, he’s been one of the more difficult guys to match up with."
But Artest believes he has grown off the court, diminishing issues on it, and preventing the flare-ups of misdeeds in his past. Everything from his own incidents to dealing with his daughter Diamond’s chemotherapy for a cancerous kidney tumor, now in remission, brought perspective, he said.
"That has a lot to do with it," Artest said. Dealing with so many things around you that aren’t about basketball, helped me figure it out.
"I guess you get older and wiser. I always had trouble with losing. I would get so mad. I would let it upset me. It would carry over for the next couple games. It would end up hurting team chemistry for a couple days, or a week or even longer than that. I don’t accept losing, but I know now, if you lose, get better from it. Find out why you lost and improve."
Still, this postseason could be as important for him as for the Rockets organization. A free agent this offseason, he has said he wants to return to Houston and Rockets general manager Daryl Morey said he wants to have Artest back.
"Now I know when you’re down, still play within the team," Artest said. "Just because you’re one of the better players on the team doesn’t mean you have to take it upon yourself. It took a long time to get there, but now I realize that. I understand now, you’re not going to win by yourself. It’s impossible.
"Going into the playoffs with this team is going to be fun. Everybody is ready. The team is really into each other. And we feel confident. We know if we play well, we’ll win."
